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Advice for Others, Reflections for Self

Updated: Mar 28

I was watching Byron Katie doing The Work. I was loving what I was seeing and immediately had this thought. Let me share this with my Mother.

I grabbed my phone and sent a message to my Dad, "Pop make sure Mike watches this!" I quickly looked back at the text message and autocorrected and changed Mom to Mike.

I started laughing. I started laughing. The universe was sending me a direct message saying, Mike, perhaps it is you, that should be watching the video.

I then realized as a coach, this is what I do often. While I love helping my clients and helping guide them, I find myself many times giving them advice. Interestingly enough, rarely do they hear the advice. Not only that, but many times their advice for themselves is very different and makes much more sense for themselves.

This comes to them not from me telling them, but from them discovering it through me being present in our conversation together.

Then it dawned on me, aren't I doing the same thing that I just did with my Mom? Maybe, anytime I feel like I have advice for others, that advice is for me!

So I thought back to why this message for my Mom was needed for me. The immediate message came to me. Michael, be present, be focused, and do this work on yourself. Until you do this work on yourself, how can you share it with others?

A bit earlier, my accountability partner and I were going back and forth in texting and voice messaging. Her text spoke about how she is solid in her self-image, but a bit later it said she has trouble feeling worthy of charging a high price for her coaching.

Immediately, my advice-giving mode kicked right in. I shared with her how her self-image is really about who she chooses to be every moment of her day. Was she choosing to be anxious about her pricing or confident that she is worth so much more than she charges? I was making it abundantly clear in my 3-minute voice message to her, that she just needs to choose who she is being.

At the very end of the voice message, a little light turned on in my mind. I ended the voice message saying the following. "I just realized that this message I am leaving you is really for me! When I get home from the gym, I am going to listen to it not as it is for you, but rather as it is for me."

I smiled. When I got home, I listened to the message and it was clear that the advice was for me.

My realization was any time I am offering advice to anyone, that advice is really for myself.

One last example, at the end of the day, I was tired and wanted to just decompress. My wife, on the other hand, was excited to share moments about her day. I found myself giving her tons of advice in my head. I was telling her enough. I just want to relax. I was judging her in my mind while she was innocently and lovingly sharing her day with me.

After thinking about that, I realized that the advice I was giving her in my head wasn't for her. It was for me!!

If I flip the message I was giving her around, here is what I was saying to myself. Enough Michael, stop with all of your judgments, just let your mind relax. The message was for me, not her! Later when I decided to show up BEING love and kindness with zero judgment, guess how much judging went on? None!!!

Life is so interesting. It is all happening for me to learn and grow more into my true essence which is love, kindness, compassion, and peace. I am so grateful for this learning and growth. Thank you for letting me share it with you.

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Unknown member
Nov 16, 2023

That is so insightful and true, I’m remembering that everything I’m saying is for me as well if not all for me!!!❤️💪👍

Unknown member
Nov 16, 2023
Replying to

Absolutley everything!! What a great insight Jeffrey!

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