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He sat across from me, frustration in his voice.

“You know, she really shouldn’t be so judgmental,” he said, shaking his head. “She’s always pointing out what’s wrong with people. It’s ridiculous.”

I let the words hang in the air for a moment before responding.

“Do you think maybe… you’re judging her for being judgmental?”

Silence. A flicker of recognition crossed his face, but he brushed it off.

“No. I just think people should be kinder. More understanding.”

I nodded. “That’s a great point. But tell me—when was the last time you gave yourself that same kindness?”

Another pause. His eyes dropped to the table. “I guess… I’m probably just as hard on myself as I am on other people.”

And there it was—the truth we all struggle to face.

It’s always easier to see the flaws in others. To call out their judgments, their mistakes, their shortcomings. But the hardest thing—the thing that requires real courage—is to turn that same mirror inward.

Because judgment is never really about the other person. It’s a reflection of how we see ourselves.

When we judge others harshly, it’s often because we secretly hold ourselves to impossible standards. We criticize because deep down, we fear the same criticism. We point fingers because looking within feels too uncomfortable.

But what if, instead of judging, we got curious?

• Instead of assuming someone is cold or rude, what if we asked what they might be going through?

• Instead of labeling someone as weak or lazy, what if we explored our own fears around failure?

• Instead of tearing others down, what if we started lifting ourselves up?

Judgment is a defense mechanism. Curiosity is an act of love.

So the next time you catch yourself judging someone—pause. Ask yourself: What is this really about? Because the answer might just lead you to the thing you need most—compassion for yourself.